A perfect marriage is an illusion because even in the best of times, there are still two people who struggle to honor their spouse because of their own self-focused nature. Galatians 5 talks about this challenge as fulfilling the desires of "our flesh." Instead of pursuing our flesh, we need to strive toward the "fruits of the Spirit" (Gal.5: 22-25).

In Matthew 7:3-5, Jesus talked about hypocritical people who seek to remove a speck in someone else's eye while having a log in their own eye. Everyone exhibits some level of judgmentalness. Jesus calls us to have grace with each other.

There is always a temptation to keep a record of wrongs against our spouse. We hold on to those wrongs as ammunition for the next time we feel the need to defend ourselves and attack our partner. Isaiah 43:25 says that when God forgives our sin, He remembers them no more. We need to follow God's example of forgiveness.

When communication breaks down in a relationship, there can be a reluctance for married couples to serve one another. The Apostle Paul wrote about serving one another in Philippians 2:3-8. There he encourages all of us to consider others more important than ourselves, looking to the other person's interests.

Pride is the downfall of many marriages. Pride causes division, a lack of forgiveness, and an unwillingness to offer grace. It's no wonder that God hates pride (Proverbs 8:13). The opposite of pride is humility, and couples who pursue humility will be blessed with greater peace in their marriage.

Ephesians 6:11 speaks quite honestly and bluntly about the devil, and goes so far as to say that he has "schemes" he pursues against us. Our enemy wants divided relationships. He sows disunity into the fields of our lives. We need to be proactive in fighting against him by putting on the "full armor of God" (Eph.6: 13-18).

When couples fall into the trap of all of the previous 6 items, they can become stuck, and live as married singles. Some couples even go for years without breaking out of this trap, ignoring God's plan of being "one flesh." The more time that passes for a "married single couple," the harder it becomes to change habits.

If you are in a relationship that feels like you're a married single, take the time and make the effort to seek the help of a counselor who can guide you out of that place. 

Admitting that a marriage needs help isn't admitting defeat! All marriages could benefit from counseling/coaching. You will find Mark Brandes to be a patient, caring but directive counselor who will become the best cheerleader your marriage could have. 

To "test the waters" with Mark, just fill out the contact form below, and we will set up a brief zoom meeting.